Relationships. We all have them, and let’s be honest, some are better than others. But have you ever thought about the original model of what a healthy relationship looks like? For some of us we grew up in a home that demonstrated a healthy nurturing love and bond. Unfortunately, however, for many that model of a healthy family bond, healthy boundaries or what a selfless functional relationship should be, has not been their experience.
I know for many of you reading this there is much trauma and pain in your past. The very people who should have protected you did not. Years of shame, confusion, regret, anger, and withdrawal have been an intricate part of your life. For others, because of a broken home, or an emotionally absent father or mother, foundational needs were not met. This may have led to a string of bad choices all in the pursuit of that “love or affirmation” that was not given. Still others become fixers and try to help and fix every broken person that comes into their lives, which is not healthy either. Because some are wired to be people pleasers and keep the peace, they become victims of domestic abuse in an array of forms from physical, verbal, emotional and mental. Maybe you have a relationship which is one sided, you are always giving and they are always taking. There is no balance.
So how do we overcome these false or distorted views of what a relationship should look like? By going back to the source. Our Loving God who created everything to be in relationship with him. It first started with the Angelic realm and the relationship that was established between them and God. Then God made the animals and man and woman. If you read in Genesis, God literally walked with them in the Garden. He communed with them, that was the perfect model set into motion. One not tainted by sin. Many do not think about those established relationships. Adam and Eve had no reason to doubt God, his goodness or his instructions laid down to keep them safe and pure.
Some of the angels had already fallen and they were in the garden as well. There was a systematic trusting relationship established between them and Adam and Eve, with the purpose of destroying that perfect bond between God and man. Up to that point they had no reason not to trust the Nakash (serpent/angel) either. Once that perfect relationship model was turned dysfunctional, it set into motion thousands of years of families struggling to be in harmony with one another.
As a Pastor it breaks my heart as I see the pain, trauma, and acting out that has come from broken relationships and no boundaries. I watched a film that recently came out that was very good and dove headlong into domestic abuse. As I watched it, the first thing I noticed was the lack of communication, misperceptions, and jumping to conclusions. They had NEVER established a healthy true and real relationship from the beginning. All of these problems could have been avoided, there were many red flags in the beginning, yet those were overlooked and dismissed for what they were “feeling in the moment”.
Unfortunately, this is what many of our relationships with God or Jesus look like. There is none. Even for those who claim to be Christian, and maybe even regularly sit in the pews, if you were to ask them about their personal relationship with their creator/ savior they have no clue what you are asking. Jesus said that there will come a time when he will say, “Truly I do not know you”.
So how do we get to know our God? Just like a new person you want to be in a friendship or relationship with you spend time with them, ask questions, listen, learn about their pasts, their likes and dislikes. It is not any different with God. How do you get to know him? Read his word. It is all in there. Spend time talking to him, asking him questions, asking him to reveal more and more of himself to you. At the core that is what God has wanted all along, a healthy relationship with his children. One where he can reveal the model of true selfless love. So, my challenge to you is to really think on this concept. Ask yourself what is your idea of a healthy relationship? How far is it from the model God gives us? What areas or concepts do you need to work on and change? This may be a very hard read for some, and it might possibly bring up a lot of unpleasant feelings and memories. Don’t shy from them. Instead take them to God and ask him how to help you turn those broken patterns and relationships into one that is modeled after his.
